Been meaning to blog...

I have been meaning and wanting to blog. I think about it everyday. Thing is have you ever felt like typing/writing feelings or to talk about life is to much energy?! Well that is how I feel. I want to blog but the idea of typing it up is mind/energy draining. Like I have so much to say but same time nothing at all. Words can not fit how I feel. Neither good nor bad. Just overall. Just a bunch of energy sucking stuff that is CRAP. Sweating small stuff, being a worry wart, having drama, fighting the dram, feeling alone, cardio, life, just EVERYTHING is too much to type.

None of what i just said prob makes ANY sense. HOPEFULLY someone out there understands and knows what it is like to have so much to say but to much energy to say it. Like an OVERLOAD! :)

Anyways....I did not run on Tues, Thurs, or Sat of last week due to being sick. Only a cold but I personally can not do much when it comes to cardio when I am sick. I was sick on Monday and ran, but when I am NOT just STARTING out and I am FULL blown sick I can't do it. That right there is listening to my body. ;) I mean I am already running around doing mommy stuff so good enough for me.

I ran 5 miles this morning. It was SUPPOSED to be a PACE run. I decided after STRUGGLING to keep pace for a mile that I will take it easy and just RUN. For the reasons of.. 1. This is my 1rst run back after being sick 2. I will not be having a 5 mile easy run this week (usually Thurs) because I have a 10k race this weekend 3. I have to switch my long run from Sat to Wed because of the race and lastly 4. I just wanted to!

Today's run was a rough one...it did it though. Tomorrow I have 3 miles of HILLS. Then I have my FIRST 12 miler this Thurs!! OH BOY OH BOY OH BOOOYYY! I have like I said a 10k "race" this Saturday.

As far as my boys go: people are so mean to them. By people I mean my mother and their father (my roommate) whatever you want to call him. They start AUTOMATICALLY yelling at them. I figure out their prob within 5 secs. Like last night at dinner Gavin was crying and whining and they both started yelling @ him. I asked do you have a rash buddy? He said yes.  Problem solved. Izick kept grabbing a rag to wipe his face and they were yelling at him, I got up and got him a paper towel because I know first hand how ANNOYING and IRRITATING it is to have liquid on your face (we ate soup) Bam that is solved. There were and ARE so man things that they get yelled at like called names and everything that if THEY would just shut the HELL up and actually give a damn they would figure it out quickly. My boys do NOT deserve to be yelled out because YOU have bipolar (mother) or are too lazy to  actually be a FATHER to them. It made me happy in my heart though...seriously BECAUSE mommy knew everything. My MOTHER instinct KNEW what was wrong or what had to be done. While everyone else got to rest and stay seated during dinner mommy had to keep getting up and taking care of everyone. Of course...because everyone else is lazy inconsiderate @$$holes! Phew.

Now regarding my "roommate" I have deleted him from FB. I started by hiding my relationship status, to removing him from the status, to deleting him. So what? well to me it is a slow process. Therefore by deleting him I am doing what needs to be done. He can not read my blogs (though he NEVER cared enough to anyways) he can't see what I am up to so I can do what I want (not that there is anything to do) but it is a START to having my OWN life if you know what I mean. Think about it.

I am beyond tired of doing everything and having to figure everything out on my own. Yet when HE needs something to be answered if I gave him the same answer he gives me I would get HELL. Does not matter though what I think or feel so as long as everyone else is happy.

Now let me explain I am a single mother with a marriage certificate. That is all. I have NO PROBLEM being a single mother but what bothers me is if I am going to be one let me be one!! I think it is BULL %*!@ to be doing everything a single mother has to do but have a big lump of crap married to you living in the same household. It irritates me, annoys me, and make it so much HARDER!!! So I am doing what I need to do slowly. Trying to figure things out first. Along with fear.... I am trying.

So that is the crap. :) why is there a smily face? Well because I am still always smiling. I get irritated and hate when he is home but other then that I am ALWAYS smiling and happy. (He is only home 1 day a week and comes home @ 7 pm so I do not see him other then that). SO life is still grand.

I am not going to try and keep up with blogging. The idea of meeting that goal is too stressful for me because when I do not meet it I feel horrible. So I won't make the goal :-D I'll just do it when I do it.

I have also started "logging" in my food again. Not counting calories just logging food. I did my ST'ing for today...

That is about all folks!
XOXOXO