Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012! My Goals.

I could make this a drawn out blog to where I just end up saying the awful truth after making myself feel horrible possibly. I won't though. In all honesty I am now EXACTLY where I was the 1rst of last year. Same weight. To some it may be "that's good" but it's not. This was the SECOND year I said it was going to be MY year where I become a maintainer. It wasn't. Heck I am starting 10 lbs above my goal weight. JUST...LIKE...LAST...YEAR. Blah, blah, BLAH! I do not get THIS high until these past holidays. Anyways WHATEVER. I am not dwelling on it. Enough is enough. :)

As I said my weight is where I started 2011. Better then being HIGHER! My running on the other hand...:'-D I started 2011 with only being able to run 3.1 miles. I am starting 2012 with being able to run 13.1!!!!

I accomplished my other goal I made for 2011. Doing 1 race a month for 2011. I have completed 13 races. They include 8 5k's, 4 10k's, and 1 9.11k. I ran my 1rst 5k and my 1rst 10k this year!

I am so amazed and proud of that!!!

Now for my goals of 2012!!

I will be completing my 1rst HALF marathon in EXACTLY one week from today (Jan 7)!! I will also be completing few others. I have 5 planned for this year SO FAR including the one I run next week.

Come July I will be training for my FIRST EVER FULL MARATHON!!

So 2012 I will start with being able to run 13.1 miles and end it being able to run 26.2!!

With the training I HOPE to get more miles then 2011. I am not 100% sure it is correct but according to my logging of my runs I have logged 704.21 miles ran for this year. I KNOW it is not LESS but if anything I could have forgotten to log one or a few. I do not believe I did forget but ya never know!

So 704.21 is AWESOME!!! :') I did all those miles!! I will be logging my miles on my computer this time around so I know what I end 2012 with!!

Now regarding weight...by golly!!! I WILL NOT END THIS YEAR THE SAME WEIGHT I AM NOW!! I will reach my goal weight by the end of the year!! IF I do not I will be at least 135 lbs!!!

I will blog at least ONCE a week.

I will run 1 mile a day for as long as possible. Come July when I start training I will PROBABLY stop. Who knows I will try my best though!

I will get in 60 mins a day for as many days as I can. I would like to do 7 days, but I would not mind at least 5/7!

Every Sunday when I weigh in I will be taking a picture of the scale number. I find that may be very motivating BECAUSE I will be posting it for the world to see! :)

That is about all folks!! Those are my GOALS.

I hope you ALL have a wonderful last day of 2011. I kissed it goodbye with one last run...an 11 miler. I plan on being asleep when the horns and all that go off. So I'll see YOU in 2012!

XOXOXO

Oh the colors I will be!

Lovely title huh? :) It is named that because I am excited about a 5k run I signed up for on Feb 25! I am done with 5k's and for the most part 10k's. I might give some thought to 10k's but I really just want to do 1/2's for 2012 up until July when I marathon train for my Marathon on Nov 3! Anyways I signed up for this run because frankly it makes me happy inside and gets me so excited because it will be a BLAST!

It is a run where every 1K they throw color dust @ you and by the end you look colorful like Willy Wonka! The finish is a color extravaganza with a BUNCH of colors!! When I was directed to this yesterday on FB (registration opened yesterday as well) I automatically knew HOLY HEAVENS you MUST do it!! It will be so fun and an AMAZING experience! I will have a BLAST and let loose!! Here is the link to the site!
http://thecolorrun.com/

Tomorrow I am supposed to run 13 miles. I had planned on it. I took all week off (6 days) from running. Just NOW (like as I type this, right this second) thought I should not jump from resting to 13 miles. I should pick back up on Monday with my normal 5 miler. What do you think?! I think that would be best. Small 5 miles as I would do any other Monday. That gave my body 8 days of "rest". Though I feel it did no good because I still have the pulling in my leg. Still telling me "yup I am still here. To bad so sad!"

More and more I think about it I really wish I had insurance cause frankly I REALLY need it. I am falling apart. I am having teeth problems where I can not eat on my left side and it's just getting worse. I am having IT Band problems, Sciatic problems, Pififormis problems, and my Bulging dics problems!! All which are related to the other. They are all linked to one another. So that does not help. I was diagnosed with bulging discs 2 years ago when I last had insurance by MINIMAL tests. They could not do any other tests or find out if it was worse because I refused anything more because I was breastfeeding and would have to stop and that was not going to happen! So it could have been worse. Anywho they "went away" (or should I say went into hiding) after 6 months of NOT running, when I finally said I quit..I am running! So now since I have had these other issues with my IT and Piriformis and etc....the "pain" has come back. The damn bulging discs are back!!!

Whatever. :) I am done. Next subject...

I can NOT wait for the new year!! 2012 will be just HAS TO BE my year I become a maintainer! No more excuses no more "mistakes" just NO MORE CRAP!! How's that?! :-P

I need to sit down and write up my goals for 2012. Word for word so when December ends I can blog about it.

That's about all folks!
XOXOXO

Oh how NOT running effects thy.... (Long & Rants)

It effects me in so many ways, that just plain out sucks. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!

I had planned on not running for 6 days (I plan on running my long run on Sat but I am not sure) to give my IT band/ piriformis a chance to "heal", not heal, feel better, do SOMETHING other then bother me! So I have not been running and I am going NUTS.

I am in such a slump right now for so many reasons. I have been doing NOTHING all day (besides house work I mean fitness wise). I have not even been doing ST'ing. I feel so SAD. Like what is the point.

I know there IS a point and many reason I should but running is the ONLY cardio I get. It is the GO TO, it is my EVERYTHING. I HATE doing videos now. Thank you running for making me hate them lol. Before running that is all I would all day, now that I run I can not stand to be in front of TV. It is like overwhelming and makes me feel claustrophobic. I can't stay in one place.

I can't walk outside because I have my boys and back in the day I would take them with me, but it is just beyond too cold to take them out with me. I don't like taking them out and having them sit in their wagon in the cold. I do not have time any other time to go by myself.

My glute and IT band are not SORE anymore when I roll. They do not HURT or BOTHER me at ALL when I ROLL. SO they do not seem to be tight. EXCEPT my IT Band is still bothering me. I feel so helpless, and I literally see my running dreams crashing down in front of me, Seriously. It has got me in a "mood" where I feel like just bawling and I am so sad. Grr.

When I say I see my running dreams coming crashing down I seriously mean I stare ahead and I see building coming down like the twin towers. I am sorry to mention the towers but I literally see them falling and those are my running dreams.

I can't see how I am going to be able to do my 1rst 1/2 marathon first week of Jan or the others to follow that, or how I can't even do that so How am I going to do a marathon. I just do not see any of that happening. EVERYTHING I wished, dreamed, and worked so hard for...getting demolished!

My eating has been horrible. The I feel sorry for myself and I just do not care anymore eating. Thing is though I do care. Each and every moment I think about what I am putting in my mouth and the wanting to get back on track but I "can't" right now because I do not want to mentally. I want to eat myself sick because I am "deserving" of it because I can't even run right. I am a failure.

NOW DO NOT GET ME WRONG...I know I am NOT a failure. I know I could not help that this has happened. I KNOW the way I feel and am going about things right now is "WRONG". I know this. Right now though I am feeling hopeless. I am allowed to feel this. I need to shape up sooner then later. I keep telling my self that the new year will be it. No more "mistakes".

For the past 2 yes TWO years I have said that 2010 would be the year I became a maintainer, and then the same for 2011. Now...once again 2012!

The other day Shawn had a migraine. Long story short as always/usual. I took care of the boys and he slept all day long I kid you not. So I made sure boys were quiet (to the best of my ability) I let him stay sleeping on the couch. I put the alarm on the couch so he would wake up for work next morning, I set up his clothes, I did everything to make sure he was set for work next day. Since he did not "care". Next morning when I got up...I woke to being overwhelmed frustrated upset, and "pissed" to the point where I bawled. Just like a baby. I was so "sad" at the point of realizing that I take care of everyone else and I am EXHAUSTED. It's a B%&*$ when it HITS you that you will never get rest nor the RESPECT you give to others. The idea that I gave him what he needed, REST. The man works 6 days a week from 2am-7pm 5 of those days. His temp job is done as of the 24th so he will be working only 4-6 hours for now on, BUT I have never gotten that I will never get that, it just is not "fair". Just that morning BEFORE he had gotten the headache I wanted to "relax" on the couch I was dozing off and he was too busy NOT paying attention to HIS kids as USUAL and they were bugging me. He even came over to me and asked if I was tired and falling asleep. I said yes (I mean eve if I was not my arms was over my eyes and I was LAYING DOWN so I obviously wanted to relax and HELL I DESERVE TO RELAX! Yet he walked away continued not watching them and here they go bugging me again RAMMING into me as I TRY to sleep. Heh. I get the crap of "I have no problem watching them while you go and relax or sleep in". Bull %^$%!!!! I told him this time and time again including YESTERDAY. He has told me how awesome I was and am for "taking care of him" and givi9ng him that day of rest/sleep. I know this, but don't I deserve the same AWESOMENESS?! YES!

I told him you tell me ALL the time that you have no problem with watching your own children but you can't even watch them for a few mins when I am laying on the couch! If they were being WATCHED they would not be able to make there way to "bug" me. If they were being watched they would not be able to find the way back to the house to the bathroom to find me when your supposed to keeping an eye on them. If they were being WATCHED they would not be able to come back into my bedroom and jump on me while I lay there, or be able to bang down my door calling MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so on so on so on.... you get the picture.

So I woke that morning overwhelmed and "pissed" that I always am the one taking care of everyone else. I do it with a problem. I do it without wanting anything in return. I did it not being upset. I just woke to realizing I will never have the same in return, and that my friends is a kick in the nuts. Sorry for the terms. OUCH. I also was rushing cause I had to go to an appt...just to go and find out that it is NEXT Monday. I went on Monday but a Monday to soon. I knew it was on the 19th but I thought it WAS the 19th already! Wow.

I "ordered" (I had credit on Amazon so did not have to actually pay for it) 2 DVD's of Jillian Michaels. They should be here tomorrow. 1 is yoga, and 1 is buns and thighs. I want to TRY anything to strengthen my hips, thighs, glutes hoping that MAYBE it has SOMETHING to do with my IT Band/ Piriformis issues.

Yes I know though I can't stand doing DVD's so how am I going to do them? Do not know. Sigh.

With Christmas coming it makes it a little more "depressing". My oldest Izick keeps talking about Santa and gifts. Coming out of his room saying nope no Santa or gifts yet. I have TRIED explaining it is not about that. He is expecting stuff and the idea of him only getting one tiny little thing (because that is all he IS getting due to not being able to afford anything, no not a sob story just real) bothers me. I told him today that if he gets a doll he needs to be happy with it....well it resulted in NO's, yelling at me, calling me names, and so much more.

Izick is almost 5 and he has been horrible recently. Attitude, telling me off, saying alot of things no child should say. I have done EVERYTHING aside from hitting him with a belt. I could say so much more of the way he is acting but I wont. Of course my little man Gavin does EVERYTHING his older brother does...so you get the picture.

I hate knowing I can not get them anything for Christmas. I wanted to sign up for Angel tree, but I was too late. :-
I have no gotten anything from Santa in so many years. SO I have my own little material wish list. I never celebrated growing up because well my dad... he is the DEVIL. Yup. So of course the whole you want your kids to have what you never did.

I have 3 things I want.
1. Jessie J cd
2. Paramore cd
3. Elliptical

My NON MATERIAL list is so long. SO SO long. I am blessed in so many ways and I want things to stay this way if not better. I just want the same things I already have day after day. That is all. Oh except I would LOVE to have my running dreams renewed and not have an injury anymore.

I want to leave off with this video. It is from Jessie J (the 1 I want the cd of :)) I had it stuck in my head all day yesterday and frankly it goes with how I have been feeling. It applies to ALL OF YOU as well. Just give it not even 5 mins of your time and listen to the words if you can?
Jessie J: Who you are
youtu.be/j2WWrupMBAE

That's all folks!
XOXOXO

Piriformis muscle the cause of my IT band problems?

If you have read my last couple blogs you would know that my IT Band has been bothering me so very much.

Ever since my LONG run of 13 miles last Wednesday (so 1 week ago). I did EVERYTHING that day trying to get it to relax. I did RICE, I took Ibuprofen, stretched, rolled, prayed...EVERYTHING you could think of or read about.

The next day Thursday it let up SOME, was not hurting like ti did day before BUT had the dull ache and pulling sensation. Come Friday it was FINE. Back to normal. Saturday was my Santa 5k and it did JUST FINE. Gave me no problem what so ever.

Then this Monday when I ran my 5 mile PACE run it was ALRIGHT. Around 2 miles it started giving me the DULLEST of aches, and pulling. Through out the day it started bothering me more. So I did what I had done since it started bothering me...FOAM ROLLED it. I just kept and still keep doing it.

The next day Tuesday was my HILL running, it did OK but started hurting. SO when I did downhill I WALKED. That seems to help a bit. When I got home I took an Ibuprofen and rolled it. The I started freaking out. This whole time I have been freaking out. Ya know the what am I to do, I can't do anything professionally cause I have no insurance and can't afford to pay for it out of pocket, I can't stop running, my dreams are crashing down in front of me kind of freaking!

When I roll my IT Band it does not hurt whatsoever like it did when I FIRST did it. Does not bother me and does not feel knotted. Does not phase me anymore.

Well on Tuesday I was trying stretches that I stated did not work for me (still do not). They always target the wrong areas seriously. Like you are supposed to feel it in your thigh I feel it in my CALF. SO ya. Anywho I was trying one out and it ended up pulling my Piriformis muscle. In other words my butt. Well I kid you not....my IT Band pain...disappeared!! Like it was full blown bothering me then I did that stretch and my knee bent and felt brand new!!!

Are you kidding me?? What the heck just happened?! So I came to the conclusion that MUST be a HUGE problem that is causing my IT Band to hurt! I do not know how but it is!? So...I started rolling that muscle, and OMGoodness did and does it hurt!! Now my butt is so beyond sore it is not even funny. I feel like I have been hit by a truck.

It is so beyond tight it wont let up.

WelI am still rolling that muscle and my IT Band.

I did my 5 mile run this morning and most of it was ok. I tried running in the street, the gutter, and the side walk. Just to see. I ALWAYS run in the gutter. Which is a major problem. When I was running in the street that was the only thing to get my IT Band to let up and stop aching/hurting.  The side walk was better then the gutter but still. The problem is there is no room here to run in the street with cars. Where I run there are no bike lanes, the street is busy, and the lanes are big enough just for a car. :( Then towards  the end of my run (4 miles) it started hurting/aching no matter what.

There is no grass areas for me to run on. Just rude cars with no room for me to run next to, and extremely slanted gutters and sidewalks. I can not run on a track either because 1. they are in a school and wont let you use them when I run and 2. way too far for me to walk. So no luck there.

I rolled both my IT and my butt out BEFORE and AFTER my run.

So I have found out those things. I have no idea why or IF the problem is my Piriformis muscle, but I do know that it is extremely tight and when I loosen it up (for the brief 5 mins it stays loose as long as I do not run) my IT band stops hurting.

That's all folks!
XOXOXO

IT Band stretches do NOT work for me!!?

My IT band started acting up again today on my run. I even stopped running 2 times to "stretch" then when my 5 miler was done I stopped and stretched before I walked home. NO stretches what so ever work for me EXCEPT rolling on the foam roller. I NEED to find one that works standing. I need to find SOMETHING that will work when I need to stop to stretch it out. I do not get it. I have no idea what I am doing wrong or why it does not work.

I either feel NOTHING or I feel it in  the WRONG places. Standing stretches do not work, sitting stretches do not work, twisting & looking like contortionist  does not work!

Do not know what else to do.

I do not even know how to properly warm up before I run...unless what I am doign is proper. I run slow for about 1 mile. By slow I mean slower then I set out to do. Such as today I did about 12 min.mile for 1 mile then started doing my pace of 11 min/mile.

Anyone know what I can do to get the exercises to work for me?!! Or how about something that WILL work for me besides rolling it out?! Do I roll it out BEFORE I run?! ADVICE please?!

I can NOT go to a dr, a chiro, nor anything else that costs $. I do NOT have insurance and can not afford to pay for anything out of pocket. Just heads up. Thank you guys!!

Also I wanted to mention I have 1000 articles saved on my computer. I have and keep doing searches about ITBS online. Blah...

Nothing more to say...That's all folks!
XOXOXO

Just pictures of today's great day...

Today MANY things happened not really much to say so I will post pictures of couple.

Today was my last race of 2011. I made a goal to do a race EVERY month. I accomplished that today.

So because I accomplished that Shawn got me a trophy, which was a lovely, sweet, wonderful, awesome surprise/gift! It says  Congratulations on completing you goal! It is HUGE and my first and I imagine ONLY one I will ever get. Frankly I like this way better then having to COMPETE for it. I don't do that. ;)

I also got my brakes finally fixed in the van.

I ran today's run/race WITHOUT an MP3 player (I can NEVER run without music so I thought ;)) because it decided to NOT work BOTH times I trued. I charged it all day yesterday and yet it seemed to start then die and the battery was yellow. Heh go figure. So I ran the whole thing w/o it and did just fine and it was AWESOME. My Garmin only showed 2.90 miles...I imagine because by the time we started to be able to run it was way past when we started because there was OVER 10,000 people there! So Garmin did not pick up my walking as moving.

I got my bling oops I mean medal holder haha AND my ifitness belt in the mail today. I tell you what I can NOT believe I never knew about the fuel belt before today. I am so beyond glad I got it!!! It is a life saver and feels like I am not wearing anything and truly amazing!!

All this also means to me that NOW I am going to accomplish crazy miles and do crazy things I never thought I would be able to do or do at all. I am so ready for 2012. 2012 will be the year where I truly prove to myself what my HEART already knew. I am capable, can , and WILL do anything and everything I put my mind to.

Here are some pictures of the stuff from today!

Feeling tired, & in a LITTLE slump...

Ever since Wednesday when I ran my 13 miles I have felt like I am in "slump". As of Thursday (so yesterday?) I have been what I feel VERY LAZY. I have no energy both mentally and physically. I have NOT done my ST'ing when I know I should because I am just tired and in no mood. I have not done laundry and I tell ya I kid you not I SERIOUSLY have 20 loads. I know I need to but once again I am feeling too tired. I am supposed to do ST'ing today and guess what...I feel too tired. It takes one second to pick up the weights or get done on the ground and do my exercises but that requires energy, and that my friends I do NOT have AT ALL.

All I want to do is collapse on the floor and lay there while watching tv. I have thought this for 2 days now but with 2 boys who won't allow me , I guess I can't. They are screaming, making a mess, screaming at eachother, choking eachother, making eachother bleed, or doing something else. Literally every second my boys are being plain out HORRIBLE.

SO that probably does not help what-so-ever since I can't recover the way I should. I can not catch a break or relax.

My eating as well has had me feeling RAVAGED...what the heck? It does not hit me til night time. I have NOT been "bad" or anything. So that is the GOOD NEWS. :) I went over my calories by 20 yesterday but that is about all. Too meet my calories now a days I consume DOUBLE portion for dinner. By that I mean double the fish (when I have fish. not meat because that is too much meat for me), and always double the veggies. I have also had double BLT sandwiches (turkey bacon baby!) and I am just not satisfied! Really!!?? I used to be STUFFED w/ just ONE sandwich and now 2 is not enough? What is going on?! Eh.

I have so much to do....so so much! I just do not want to do it. ::sigh::

I have my Santa Run tomorrow (5k "race") though it will def be a fun run since there will be OVER 10,000 people there so there is NO WAY I can get through them all or start at the front because it will be crowded. :-\ Then after tomorrow...it will only be 1/2 marathons for 2012 AND my FULL! Oh Lord! ::biting nails::

Well folks I am too tired to keep typing lol so that's all for now ;)
XOXOXO