Wounds, Self Doubt, Sabotage, & Halloween

Oh boy. Lovely things to be experiencing.

Wounds: 1.5 miles into my 5 mile run this morning I decided to eat cement....that apparently was not enough for the cement so it took a bunch of my skin WITH it and left me full of dirty wounds. Did I cry? No. Did I hurt? Oh geez yes...it burn like a SOB!!! What did I do AS SOON as it happened? I JUMPED right back up and started running again. Yup as I hurt, burned, and was thinking this sucked...looking at my left hand as it oozed, bled and looked HORRIBLE...I kept on running not even thinking of it. I went numb I was fine and I just kept running. I stopped for MAYBE 10 seconds 1/2 mile later just to ASSESS the damage. I looked shook my head and said oh boy, then started hitting the pavement again (the right way this time lol). I told myself I am so blessed to be able to tolerate pain. I am so strong lol if I can handle 100% natural childbirth (& that did not hurt much!) who cares about this. Anywho...1/2 away from finishing I REALLY started burning. When I got home I SCRUBBED my wounds and they still are not clean. GOD that was TORTURE that hurt so amazingly BAD. Grr....I put a bunch of peroxide & neosporin on the wounds...then bandaged them up. Legs have big bandaids and my left hand has gauze and tape wrapped around it. I am working with ONE hand which is so incredibly hard. Try washing dishes with one hand lol...I was supposed to do ST'ing today...ya that did not and will not happen. Eh life happens.... Here are some pictures  of my BADGES OF HONOR :) Once I take bandages off to clean again Ill snap pictures :)

 Eh what can I say...it happens...

 Booo! Pooy on injuries lol....

I am supposed to be a baby/little girl for Halloween today...but I might just need to go as a mummy instead! ;)

Halloween: Can't wait to take my boys tonight. Noone celebrates any more so I am afraid that it will result in no candy. Poor kids..I WANT CANDY TOO!! ;) haha Yes I will be having some.

Sabotage: I have eaten too much of too many bad things past few days. Need to fix it...after tomorrow. I am allowing myself candy. I already said that MONTHS ago.

Self doubt: I seem to find out about HILLS after I sign up for "races". I signed up for 3/4 of my 1/2 marathons...come to find out they are ALL hilly (one that I def know for sure VERY VERY hilly) What the heck!! I find out all my 1/2's are hilly AND my MARATHON is as well. I am doubting myself regarding being able to do THEM period let alone being able to run a 1/2 period. Really? It is not really fully doubt. I mean I am afraid I can't and am nervous and "scared" I won't be able to, BUT I will not and am NOT having it stop me. I just do not want the doubt to get full blown.

That is about all folks!
XOXOXO

Oh the things that are bothering me.....

Well well....I have a few things that are bothering me today. Indeed. So here I go....

Let's start off with my 10 mile run. To sum it up, it was NOT a hard run AT ALL. I enjoyed it. What I did not enjoy was the outcome of it. It was the longest, slowest, lowest calorie burn EVER. It is truly upsetting. Seriously. Bothering me so very much. It turned out to be 2 mins per mile SLOWER then my last 10 miler or for that fact then ANY run I ever have had. Took me 13 mins LONGER (so SLOWER) then my longest 10 miler. As well as I burned 400 calories LESS then my last (which is also my lowest) 10 miler. Seriously?!!? I have no idea what happened. Thing is I am upset with my self and any LITTLE bit of confidence I had about my running has been thrown out the window. All because of THIS run.

I had bought some energy bars couple weeks ago to try out (quite a few!!!) and I am keeping those to try during my 13 milers. SO I cna figure out what would work best for my marathon training and marathon itself. YESTERDAY I was @ the store and the store had clearance on some Larabar's, Powerbar gels, and Clif gels. Mostly the Lara bars (which were .50 and I got 11). Well I brought one today JUST IN CASE but did NOT want to use it. Heck I didn't need it, I have run 10 milers before with nothing like that so why would I. Well....5 miles into it I was FINE but my HUNGER hit me and I felt like uh ya....low blood sugar...hunger...running...I am going to eat 1/3 of it. Just to fight off hunger. Well swell choice because it worked. The part that is bugging me....is the fact that I did that 2 more times to finish the bar. 2 miles after the first bite and then 2 miles after that too. Why? I do not know!! The thought of I want to make sure I keep a little carb's in me so that I do not wait til it is too late crossed my mind BUT I did not NEED it! So why would I eat it!! Just made it worse when I consumed it and then later saw how little I burned on my run...compared to every other run EVER. Like seriously my 5 miles during the week burn almost the same amount as I did TODAY for DOUBLE the mileage of 10 miles! So not only did I consume the bar when I did not feel like I needed it, but I consumed it when I burned so little and almost basically just ate what I burned.

Sticking to "running" topic. I asked my mother to be inconvenienced for 30 mins from 630-700. (Thinking I would not run as slow as I did or they would wake EARLIER) come to find out when I walk in the door @  730. SHE was sound asleep and my boys were awake BY THEMSELF from 615-730!!!! Are you ^&*%ing kidding me!!??? I am so sorry for the language but I asked for you to be awake and just keep eye out for 30 friggin minutes...and you let them take care of themselves for ONE HOUR & FIFTEEN MINUTES?!!!! OMG what could have happened!??! I am fuming and upset. She woke little bit ago and asked how my run went...Really? You do nto even care that my children YOUR GRANDCHILDREN could have HURT themselves while you stayed sound asleep letting them be ALONE!??! Ah!!!!!

On another note of what is bothering Jodymarie TODAY...is....I was going to sign up for 2 1/2 marathons yesterday FINALLY after eye balling them for EVER...come to find out the 1/2 you need to be SHUTTLED by bus. That is the ONLY way you can get there since there is no parking to public or blah blah blah. ONE I do not like that idea of having to drive somewhere and having to be bussed and wait to get back..and TWO (most importantly!!) NOONE other then myself can go!! They will not shuttle my family...the idea of NOT having my family (my son's!!) there when I can help it is not acceptable! I NEED to do 1/2's though!!! Why does the only company that are doing 1/2's have to do that?!! What the !!!!!!

There has and is probably a few other things bothering me today but I am so caught up with these things that right now I can not see past them...

Besides the dead beat ROOMMATE of mine...but that is a whole other bull-crapped issue there!

That is all folks!
XOXOXO

October 26, 2011

Past few days have felt like they have been super busy. Though when I was done doing the things I had to do I felt restless. Like I should be doing cardio of some sort!!! Drives me nuts feeling bored.

 The day before yesterday I had pizza for dinner. I had 2 slices but 4 breadsticks. I felt so out of control! :( I usually would have kept eating the pizza but I did NOT, but I should have only had ONE breadstick and ONE slice pizza. So I was beating myself up for that. Then yesterday I had a few small extra things that I could have chose better on. Such as granola, and granola bars, then some chips. I can't keep just eating fruit, cottage cheese, and yogurt every time I am hungry. Eh I will have too. Nothing else to have to snack on...

Anyways though I figured out a HUGE thing for me is I run...then I CRAVE meat. Like seriously. That is when it started. on Monday when I ran 1rst time of the week. I was having rice and chick peas for dinner and all I could think about is a BIG meal. BIG meal to me is MEAT (fish counts as meat for me just fyi) starch and VEGGIES. Not just a little bit of rice and a few chick peas. ANYTIME in the past when I have felt RAVAGED it is the same thing. Weird. So I think I just have to have protein with EVERY dinner. My body crave sit soooooo bad. I think that is a huge thing. I have finally listened and need to have protein and carbs with every dinner. Cause I crave bread (usually bagels) too @ the same time I crave MEAT. So....if I am listening to my body  I have to follow it's signs. :)

Otherwise everything is going good.  Still chugging along. I did my first HILLS yesterday. 3 miles of them!! Took me 35:17. Hopefully I will get faster and/or they will get easier. The area I went was like 1/8 mile up and down the hills.  SO better then none.

I also wanted to talk about how I feel alone alot nowadays. I mean that in the way of I have to do EVERYTHING by myself. I have to keep taking a back seat and I can not stand it anymore. I am fed up with it. It is always Shawn being comfy and not inconvenienced. I have to find a way to take my boys trick or treating and walk the streets with them by myself. I have to go drop off paperwork next week at the last minute before deadline and I have to find a way there with my boys screaming on my side. All while Shawn takes the car (cause GOD forbid he takes bus). I have to be the one who gets tossed aside when he gets OUR vehicle that he is a COSIGNER on. We would not have the van if it were not for ME. I have to do everything everywhere for everything while he is comfy. I have to find a way to my 1/2 marathon's, I have to find a way to my marathon, I have to find a way to get to the races I go to every month and not be able to have the most important things there with me (my children!), I have to always take a back seat. I am tired of it. It is lonely. I have ALWAYS said I am a single mother in the way of I do everything one does EXCEPT I am married on paper. He is never there in person or any other way. So things were STARTING to become good for a week now...they are back more towards the old way. I am tired of making other's a priority when I am only an option.

So enough about that...:-D

I did my ST'ing for today. Today is a no run day. Of course I am going nuts!! There is no cardio for me to do!  Grr.... tonight I am making sausage sandwiches...2 of them ;) I need MEAT!!! haha

That is about all...I believe folks!
XOXOXO

October 24, 2011

Well hello there world!

Not much to report. Had a sort of busy weekend. I do not blog on weekends I realized and that is good because that is the family time when the husband is home and I really do not want to be in front of the computer blogging.

I have been doing wonderful on my food & exercise!!!! Exercise is still the same of course along with ST'ing. So maybe I should have just said with FOOD since that was the change and struggle. It has been 5 days of no counting of calories and going with my body. I have NOT had ANY problems what so ever. No struggles, and no regrets. Which is AMAZING, WONDERFUL, AWESOME, and so many other words. :) I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. Then usually 15 mins later I am hungry AGAIN. ALWAYS 15 mins not 16 not 14 but 15! When that happens ( NO does not happen every 15 mins just sometimes!) I have a piece of fruit, cottage cheese, or yogurt. Something along those lines ALL HEALTHY choices! Last night I made steak for dinner. I only ate half of everything (steak, baked potato, & carrots) and I just finished eating it few mins ago after my ST'ing. I was a LITTLE hungry and KNEW in about 3 mins I am going to be STARVING I feel it. I need it so...now I am good til my pretzels @ noon. :) I still measure stuff BTW. I am not eyeballing anything!! Just to clarify. Only thing is I am not counting what I eat. So...I am not going crazy. I feel good about myself. That is all that matters.

I went out and got a calendar @ the dollar store yesterday and it is hanging by my desk with my running schedule on it. :-D I have decided that starting today (already started) I am adding an extra day of running. Which is Tuesday's and they are HILLS. Oh boy tomorrow is my FIRST HILL session. This is going to hurt...(in a good way haha)
Picture of my schedule for November:

I also decided for my Marathon training I am following one of the Runner World...BUT ONLY the long runs. I can not to 5 days or ALL those miles during the week. I personally just can not. So I am doing S- Rest, M- 5mi, T- 3mi HILLS, W- Rest, T- 5mi, F- Rest, S- LSD. So I am keeping my 5 miles that I have always done, adding 3 mi hills, and doing LSD on Sat instead of Fri. Just following thee LSD amounts. Why am I doing this? Cause I can and I just know if I do all those miles and 5 days I will for SURE wear out, and NOT be able to make it. The LSD is what matters. The other plans I was deciding from I just didn't like certain things about them. Only part of the one I am doing is they have you add 2 miles each week. (Other plans do to) it is just makes me nervous since I am used to 1/2-1 mile added each week. Oh boy. I know I can do it.

Shawn lost his temp job. Just as I thought. They got tired of the last minute schedule that the post office has been giving him since he started. :-\ It is what it is...

I have been going crazy trying to plan out what and when I should eat things for long runs. I have no idea about any of it. I have been doing alot of searching online and reading things. Still thouh it is overwhelming!! I do not know what to eat when!

That is about all folks..
XOXOXO

Today's thoughts...October 21, 2011

Hmm....I have a little to talk about. Just jibber jabber. :)

I had a 8 mile run this morning. I did it just fine and dandy. All on only 30 mins sleep. LITERALLY. ONLY 30 mins. The adrenaline would not go away!! ;) Probably because all I kept thinking about was WORRYING. How this how that what this what that. Brain would not STOP! All had to do with YEAR from now for my marathon. I am more relaxed today because it is a YEAR away. I KNOW I can do anything I put my mind to. I will figure it ALL out and everything will be fine. I have come up with conclusions/decisions on some things. So along my way to blogging I will discuss what I have come to conclude.

Oh ya 8 mile run...lol anyways it was a very NICE run. I was relaxed and ran SLOW. I told myself just to run slow. I did...but not happy with how slow. It ended up being an EXACT 12 min mile average the whole run. I usually run LOW 11 min mile if not under (10.50 min mile). So to see 12 I did NOT like. My other long runs I still average the same but never 12.

I have decided that I am now going to add the 3 miles starting 2 weeks from now to get me from 10 (longest I have run technically 10.5) to 13. I will then stay there til middle of year when I train for the marathon.

I have also decided I am no longer counting my calories. Yes it is a year away but I need to learn and focus on my training (running) NOW. Eating when I am hungry. Choosing healthy stuff. It is what will work for me. I get full few bites into my food (on certain meals)..so I will stop eating. Yes I usually get hungry 15 mins later so you know what I will do if that happens? I will start eating again. I will put it away and if I am hungry take it back out and eat some more. I need to start LISTENING to my body. Yes it has only been a day but I feel fantastic about this. I even had some extra veggies yesterday and felt like I MIGHT start freaking so BEFORE I even thought about calories I mantra-ed to myself FOOD IS FUEL FOOD IS FUEL. I did not ONCE freak or worry about my food that I had extra of. Which is HUGE for me. I am happy with my decision. It also makes me feel like I do not WANT chips or sweets because I know I NOW can have it if I wanted. So whats the point in making yourself sick from eating so much if you know it is not off limits. It takes not counting and all this for me to feel that way. So if it is what works...I am doing it.

I will eat extra meat/fish, and veggies @ dinner. If I am hungry after bfast I will eat cottage cheese, or yogurt. I will buy EXTRA fruit so that I may snack on an apple or the extra banana I buy. I will have @ plums for my mid afternoon snack instead of 1. I will also have 2 oranges before bed instead of 1. I am eating extra yes but it is HEALTHY..right? RIGHT! I WILL have pasta once in a while and a bagel if I want. I will instead of having 1 egg yolk and 5 egg whites I will have 2 egg yolks instead...with a bagel or bread. I will not do this every time but it will happen.

I will occasionally make HEALTHY pancakes that I would love to make for my family, because I do not have to worry about NOT having the calories to eat it.

Heck even this morning when I got home form my run..I ate cottage cheese with my coffee and cup of milk. FOOD IS FUEL. SO I have not regretted it AT ALL. I am proud of myself.

I will track ONLY my water AND cardio. That is all.

I will be signing up for a HALF marathon in the next few days if not more then one. I have to do some before end of next year. It's happening. I will do 1/2's in 2012..not this year.

I have had alot of I am crazy and I can not do this thoughts about the marathon...I know I can. I will. If anyone is negative and does not believe in me like I do I will delete. Wheter from FB, Spark (NOONE has been so far! :) TY all!) or life. I ONLY need positive people! :')



Ok running talk done! :) I have the CRAVING for a hike again!! I have to much to do this weekend so I will not be able to go but I am thinking maybe next week? :)

I did my ST'ing for today. Yepperz.

Sunday my boys and I will be carving pumpkins. Super excited for that! I am changing locations on where we go trick or treating this year, I sure hope it works out in our favor! I am going to be a little girl @ a slumber party lol My own pj's and hair in pig tales BAM no moola and simple. Hubby if ABLE to go (prob be working) is going to be a football player. I think of everything lol ;)

I am taking the boys to my mother's school carnival tonight. I am excited for that too. To be able to watch my boys eyes light up. :-D I can not wait!

I am also going to hang with a friend tomorrow...just to chat. After boys go to bed. So I will be out LATE. Getting ONLY 30 mins of sleep AGAIN. Just because I want to chat ;) LOVE it. Once again I can not wait.

That is about all folks! Today is and going to be a AWESOME day!
XOXOXO

In response to my LAST blog (from earlier today!) :)

Thank you alll sooo very much!! It means so much to me to have all the support you guys showed me regarding my last blog and the big decision! ;)

I want to run at least 1-2 half marathons before hand but there are no "small" ones here they are all big with price of $65 cheapest. That is crazy steep for myself and my family. I can't do that. MAYBE 1 time if I donated a kidney...:-\

I have 4-5 different plans I have found that I need to decide on. There are so many different choices it is so overwhelming. That is the problem. I do not know how to figure out which one will work best for me.

For me I have mental issues regarding food. Sort of like an eating disorder. So for ME I can not focus on weight loss while focusing on marathon training. I would LOVE to, but I personally can not do both at the same time.

ALL that lies ahead is going to be challenging. MENTALLY more then ANYTHING else.

I am not going in this with a time goal...I just want to be able to say I FINISHED!! That is all I care about. That is my GOAL. Just to finish.

Now the thing is I have no idea what to eat. For me it is what I eat now and JUNK. Don't get me wrong I am NOT saying this because it's either my way or no way. I sincerely do NOT know what else I can eat. I am clueless on what foods to eat. Now if I am not focusing on weight loss that means I am not focusing on calories. So I could eat MORE of what I eat. That is an option, but is there anything else I should eat that I am not?

Once again there are sooo many articles and things I COULD and HAVE read but they ALL say DIFFERENT things, which leads back to OVERWHELMING crap.

If you take a look @ the elevation map this is also a 10-11 mile HILL rise from the beginning. As well as the rest is down hill. There are category's for HILL routes and it is rated a 5, which is the LOWEST. So that is good but none the less it is hills for the 1rst 11 miles!! How the hell do I do that let alone run DOWN hill the other half??

Yikes! So beyond freaked! Checking it out is a good idea but it will just make me poop my pants. HAHA sorry folks! I  want to check it out and when I do I will be scared so much more!

I am just purely crazy!! Don't forget so determined! Nah just NUTS!!

Those are my thoughts. My adrenaline is STILL pumping. Oh boy I hope I can relax before the MARATHON! haha j/k j/k I KNOW it won't last that long but still. I feel like I am on "crack"! EXCUSE THE EXPRESSION!!

So there you have it I am nuts, on crack, nervous, over whelmed, confused, scared, and CCRRAAZZYY!!

XOXOXO

This is what I hope to be thinking, saying, feeling, and believing when I am done with this:

What did I do!!!!!?

I have officially signed up for my FIRST marathon! It is happening November 3, 2012.

I have NEVER even ran a 1/2 marathon. I currently can only run 10.5 miles. I imagine I can run half of it and need be walk they other 1/2! WORSE CASE that is!

I signed up because it is FREE and it is something I have told myself I can NEVER do. So why not do it?

I keep saying daily that there is NO WAY I can do 3 more miles to run a half!!! NOW I have to run that and more! So kind of like telling myself you can't? Heh too bad. Now you can and have to so SHUT IT and DO IT!

Any recommendations for training plans and or food plans?! Any links to help?!

Oh boy! What did I do!!? :)

This is it:
http://www.reallybigfreemarathon.com/

This is the course map:
http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/32224432/

The time limit is 7 hours...I hope I can do it in that time. Wait I just said 7 hours! How am I going to run 7 hours?!! I can run 2 now...how am I going to run 5 more hours! Let alone 16 more miles more then I can run now!

I have officially lost my mind. I am nuts!! Yet I am determined.

With all this being said I think I MAY need to focus on JUST running and not losing weight. I do NOT know how to do that though. I do not know how to eat carbs and NOT over do it OR how to eat and NOT gain weight. Anything I eat over 1200 calories makes me gain. I have to figure this out and FAST. It has me stressed and freaking. I am so beyond scared...yet excited. Dang it. :)

So there it is...it's official.

I need to find some half's to do before then...thing though is money issues. I can't afford to do 1/2 marathons they are too expensive for me to afford with a family. Yikes.

So much to do and no idea how or where to start.

XOXOXO

October 19, 2011

I hope you read my other blog I JUST posted. It means so much to me. Just in case here is the link...
http://shrinkinrunner.blogspot.com/2011/10/mountain-of-defeatno-longer-pictures.html
Thank You if you did read it! :')

This morning I can't seem to shake my hunger. It is like I can not satisfy it. I am HUNGRY. I had breakfast...then was still starving so I had serving of cottage cheese. Now I am just about @ my minimum so can't eat anything else. Those of you who know me know my little issue of not going above my minimum. Hmm...

I ended yesterday @ 1201 calories! YAY! lol I was going to stay at 900 but knew I should not so I did what I could and ate more and made sure I got to 1200! That was hard work. Mentally.

Today I had my 5 mile run. It went well EXCEPT my compression shorts kept riding up on ONLY my left leg!! So I had to keep pulling down on them! I hated it and it was so uncomfortable. I have no idea what was going on! I never have had that problem before with them. They were not twisted or anything of that sort. It is still bugging me because I have my long run on Friday and I can NOT deal with that the whole time. What gives all of a sudden?!

So ya I have a 8 mile run for Friday. :) ST'ing done for today as it has been everyday.

I am wearing a cute shirt which means I feel kind of skinny today. It a form fitting shirt. LOVE these days. They are so rare.

I have been thinking about how I NEVER do any other cardio other then running. I mean I run 3 days a week and I never do anything else the other days! On the other days I do my ST'ing which only takes a few minutes and 2 of those days I do a 1 mile run at night (my 2 days off). I want to do cardio everyday mentally but do not feel up to it the other days. It's like I now if I do I will have issues with running due to exhaustion. I do not like it.

I can not wait for Halloween!! Just a fact. haha

Shawn and I are doing well still. Ever since my "uncle" left things have been so wonderful. I am not as stressed and because of it I am starting to like Shawn again. Have to start somewhere. Things are good...slowly but surely I am working on it.

That is about all folks!
XOXOXO

Daily thought from the heart: What is love... It's when you give the other person what they need the most when they deserve it the least. Have a GREAT day!

Mountain of Defeat...NO LONGER! :') (Pictures, pictures, & more pictures)

I forgot to mention past few days about what I did on Saturday 10-15-11. I went to Mt. Charleston, to hike a little with my husband and my 2 boys. Whats the big deal? Well since way before I had my oldest  almost 4 years ago. I would say maybe 6ish years ago...shortly after I married my husband, I went to this same exact area to hike the same EXACT thing and almost died JUST climbing the STAIRS to get UP TO where you START to hike. Once I made it up the stairs (with my heart in my head cause it was working so hard) I made it maybe 15-20 feet tops up, and could not do it. Not that I gave up but I gave in to the truth. I seriously could NOT do it. If I tried I would end up in hospital..no joke. So we drove all that way (about 60 miles) just to get back in the car with defeat. It was a sad day. I was sad, at the idea that I could not even do that.

Well I have wanted to go back to that mountain, that place ever since. I have thought about it FREQUENTLY since starting my weight loss journey on 9-10-07. Always wanting to go back and conquer this beast. Back of my mind though I was afraid..of once again being defeated. Did not stop me though from wanting to go and TRY. Heck succeed. At least in my mind I thought I could.

This is me driving there...

This is the lovely mountains around me...

Now this is the "dreaded" stairs. Back in 2005 ..the ones that nearly gave me a heart attack but today 2011 I was able to RUN up them. Just to run down them and up them AGAIN because we forgot my boys jackets in the car and I wanted to hurry back and start conquering it. :')

This is as far as I got in 2005...

The stairs are just BEFORE where this picture starts..I made it to MAYBE the last tree you can see by the wood rail thing...these pictures do the mountain no justice. They do not show the steepness AT ALL.

Here is a picture of myself and my blessings..

and my other blessing with our boys...

Now my husband and I (which let me include he was never able to conquer this mountain either in 2005)....

I kept climbing WWAAYY past where I was never able to and noticed (even stated out loud to Shawn) I am not even affected by this! My heart was not racing, it was a breeze!!! No idea how that made me feel...NO IDEA!

Here I am again...ON THE MOUNTAIN OF DEFEAT ;)

My boys, as well as my boys and I taking a sit so they can relax for a second...

This next picture is of me climbing with my oldest towards a little water fall. Excuse the face...this area had alot of climbing over limbs and loose rocks, as well as water, AND I am TERRIFIED of heights!!! (LOVE roller coasters but terrified of heights) and I happened to look DOWN what we had climbed. Ugh...

The little water fall...

Yes it looks "crappy" but it was beautiful and peaceful. Like you would not believe. I SWEAR I am a country girl at heart. This is where I belong...in natural beautiful areas with just birds and the hearing of wind in the middle of nowhere in a VERY small town. ::sigh::

Going down?....This is what we had to climb UP to get to water fall and climb DOWN to give me a heart attack lol I mean to get back down ;)

A few last pictures of myself, and myself and my boys walking down the mountain. I had a huge grip on them :)...

Not once did I think about me....all I kept worrying about were getting my boys down safely. I had 50 heart attacks while hiking. I kept freaking because they would walk one step to the right and this stuff was steep and no rails and a huge deathly fall. It was a mother's worse nightmare. Sure did give my heart a workout. JUST the worrying I mean. haha They made me nervous. :) Joys of being a mother! Love it! Izick mentioned ONE time he was scared and even though I was too I told him there was nothing to be scared of and mommy has him. I find it amazing that I can be scared so badly yet to not have my son be scared I will not show it. I will just make sure I protect THEM.


I conquered that ugly mountain from 2005 that became such a beautiful mountain in 2011. No words what so ever can describe how it feels. To be defeated one moment...just to go and conquer it so many years later. I was determined...one day I would conquer it!


That day was 10-15-11. A day I will always remember. I took a small part of my life back that day, that the mountain had from me. It was just holding it for me that's all. Waiting for me to come reclaim it.


We plan on going again to conquer other parts of it. There is soooo many more ways to hike up there. I will take my boys again but plan on going with just my hubby and I at least ONCE to really hike freely. I like the family time though so who knows. Just with them being so little it's hard.


One last picture..Gavin (my youngest) FELL down the stairs as we were leaving. The last 10 steps....

He was alright though. He was a trooper.

We ALL were troopers!

October 18, 2011

Yesterday even though I was not hungry I decided to have carrots and cauliflower so I would get 60 extra calories. Of course afterwards I felt guilty and started the cycle of beating myself up. Then I recited "low is bad." Trying to convince myself. I ended the day with 1098 calories.
Today is 919 calories. I should eat something else...if I do it will be carrots and cauliflower again which would put me @ 979. Tonight's dinner will be spinach quiche.

We shall see how the day ends. I have a 5 mile run tomorrow. :) Yay for running.

I have done my ST'ing. Though for some reason it is feeling like boring and not hard at all but super easy. I already upped my weights 2 weeks ago from 5 to 7 lbs, and today was Core day...how can I make that any more difficult! What the heck?!

I have had a feeling about Shawn losing his temp job. For the fact that with the post office (which he started month ago) he is all over the place. He is not on the site they told him he would be nor the hours. They have him far far away from home in Summerlin not knowing what time he works til he leaves the day before. They have him doing classes last minute (which is what he is doing this week as well). That means last minute notice to the temp job and he only works 1 hour there. They are sick of it and I completely understand. This is stupid!

He does not work many hours normally at the post office (4 hours if blessed). At the temp he got 8 hours.  4 hours @ PO is 46.00 8 hours @ temp is 96.00. So he will lose the most money..BUT thing is it is "government" so we figured it would be good for the long haul and have more opportunity for growth. Ya know foot in the door. This is a perm part time job vs a temp job that is supposed to end @ end of year. We also found out we have to wait 1 year for insurance, AND he is signed on for 1 year which means in 1 year  when time is up if they don't need him...byebye. Also the insurance sucks. Really a government job with sucky insurance? YAY! :( not!

Things will work out. This did not JUST happen been that way for a while. Thing that made me talk about it is the temp agency called me little bit ago and the lady had an attitude and was cold and rude. WTF. Uh lose your attitude women. Ugh..I got the vibe of yup it's officially over. Knew it...

Things are swell on the "hubby" front. Been getting along & everything is ok. Do not want to jinx anything ;)

My boys (especially Izick) have been acting like maniacs. Like SERIOUSLY! ALL over the place acting wild. He needs to sit in his room all day I swear! No idea what is up with him.

That is about all folks!
XOXOXO

Daily thought from the heart: Don't miss your opportunity to make a difference every day. Touch someones heart. Encourage a mind and lead someone to become what they aspire to be. Have YOURSELF a FABULOUS day!

The start of blogging on here (Includes link of 4 years of blogging)

Feels weird starting to blog on an actual blog site instead of on my "diet site" that I have blogged on for over 4 years now. There is no history on here...so anyone who may jump on board now would not know my journey that I have taken the past 4 years.

So in order to feel a LITTLE better I am going to post the link to where my journey started and continues. Feel free to look @ my page and along the right side access any of the blogs I have wrote.
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=SHRINKINRUNNER

If anyone decides to join (FREE! and such a blessing) put my screen name of SHRINKINRUNNER in who referred you PLEASE.

My journey has not been as exciting since I am closer to my goal and am fighting the same lbs over and over again. My journey is struggles right now. I always talk about my runs and MOSTLY I blog to discuss how I feel and what I am thinking in everyday life. So this is not just my WEIGHTLOSS but this blog is ABOUT ME.

Hold on...this might be a crazy ride. :)